Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
