1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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