There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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