You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
