Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
