that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
