he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
