Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
