note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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