You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
