im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
