just come out here and I will go home with you...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
