He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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