Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
