So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
