Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
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