TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
