Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
