Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
