shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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