just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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