Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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