am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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