doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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