A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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