I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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