i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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