Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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