I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
