Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
