it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
