if i can run in heels then i can drive
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I faked an abortion last night.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
