Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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