2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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