I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
