eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
