so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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