I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He better not be in your backpack
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In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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