HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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