omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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