We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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