you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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