I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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