My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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