Your mouth is God's brothel.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
