Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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