puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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