i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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