The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
