he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
