i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I could make wine with my vomit
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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