i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
