every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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