i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
