if you like me you must not know who I am
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
