Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
