One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize