Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
