She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
