Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
