i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
