my mouth tastes like poor choices
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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