I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
