textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was born a porn star she said
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
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