i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
