Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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