Hey man sorry I got all grabby
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
