I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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