I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
