u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
